Prayer

Yesterday I had an amazing meeting at our church with 23 other ladies with a vision for prayer for our church. It blessed my flip flops off! One of the things our women's minister pointed out is how we are "busy doing many things" like Martha. We all have Mary and Martha in us, and serving is good, but being too busy at the expense of neglecting the needed things is unwise.

Conviction.

I am going to be really transparent here, because this blog is primarily about the story of us: Mark and me and our girls. I tend to mostly be a transparent person, but I am also pretty guarded and very private with the deep things in my heart. But, I want to remember what I felt like the Lord spoke to my heart last night.

My spiritual walk since Allison's birth has been a spiritual walk in survival mode. Quiet time when I can, lots of prayer (lots), not as much listening to the Lord as there could and should have been, and lots of hoping that God would somehow multiply the time I did spend investing because the actual time alotted to investment was not near enough, and I knew it. I have been in precious few women's bible studies because of "the season." "The season" I am referring to is the time when your kids are little and get sick, have class parties, school programs, doctor's appointments, etc... and prevent you from committing to the things you want to commit to at the level you want to commit. In a way, this was good because it was an act of surrender and acceptance of where I was in life. And let's be clear: motherhood is a calling and a ministry in and of itself. So, I have no regret in terms of being relatively uninvolved over the past 9 years in ministry opportunities, but I DO regret not pouring more personal time into my relationship with God. But here's what I clearly felt the Lord speak to my heart last night:

"The season is over. Time to engage again."

It was crystal clear and I shook my head at what I had heard from him. Not shaking my head in resistance, shaking my head in disbelief that He is still interested in my involvement after all this time so disengaged.

Here's a kicker. I almost didn't even go to the meeting last night. Remember, "the season?" I am so used to changing the plans at the last minute that I almost did not go. Mark was going to keep all the girls here at home for me, but ran late coming home from picking up Meagan from Grandma's house. I think he thought I was angry, but I truly was not and told him over and over, "Don't worry...I'll go to the next meeting. Just be careful coming home." Mark had a splitting headache and I had been with the big girls at the pool with friends all day. The path of least resistance for me for the past nine years has been, "Oh well. This is too hard on all of us, so forget it."

But, Mark would not have it. He insisted that I attend the meeting. He was not taking no for an answer. He told me to throw some clothes on the girls and take them to the church and he could come pick them up from church if my meeting went longer than childcare. So, off we went. And I am so glad we did, and even more glad Mark practically pushed me out the door from his cell phone.

Just thankful today.